shadow faqs
What is the shadow?
The shadow is any quality or emotion that has been repressed, suppressed or denied. We may all have different personalities, personas, values, beliefs and forms of self expression, but one thing we all have in common is the full spectrum of emotions and qualities that all human beings possess.
Our shadows are born the moment we begin hiding away parts of us as we learn very early on in life, directly and indirectly, which aspects or traits garner love and acceptance and which don’t. We hide parts in an effort to survive childhood. Then when we grow up and find that we don’t have access to our full selves and we need to recover and make peace with those parts in order to thrive in adulthood.
YES! If you are a human being, you have a shadow. From an early age we all learn which parts of us are lovable, acceptable and valuable to others, and which parts are not accepted, tolerated, or embraced in our communities, families, etc.. The parts of us that are repressed, suppressed and denied become our shadows.
Does everyone have a shadow?
The shadow refers to the unconscious parts of ourselves, dark only by way of not being visible.
We have “dark” shadows and “light” shadows. While many of us learn early on to stuff away our anger, jealousy, grief, disappointment, or other traits/aspects/emotions more commonly projected as “negative”, many of us have also learned to suppress or deny our “light” qualities as well.
If you grew up in an environment that held confidence as “bragging” or self-possession as shameful, you would have learned that in order to be loved and accepted you needed to tuck away those essential parts of you. And then before you know it, you don’t even remember that those parts exist. Until they start to get your attention…
Shadows aren’t always “negative”, they are simply parts of us that have been pushed out of conscious view and into the shadows.
Does the shadow imply I HAVE a dark side?
Can i get rid of my shadow?
We can never get rid of any part of us and attempting to get rid of parts of yourself was how you ended up with a shadow to begin with! Every single part of you, the parts you love and the parts you struggle with, all have a healthy and vital role in the ecosystem that is you! When you learn to recover and embrace the shadowy parts of you, you gain access to untold wisdom and gold. You gain access to more of yourself and there is no greater gift! Once you know how valuable your shadows are, you would never want to get rid of them. We need our shadows in order to evolve and our shadows need us in order to heal.
How do i work with my shadow?
Here are a few ways to explore your shadow:
Looking within you towards the places you most commonly resist. What you resist persists and what you can’t be with won’t let you be. Places we resist or avoid are the playgrounds of our shadows.
Looking outside of you towards the people that most frequently trigger you. As the saying goes, we don’t see things are they are, we see things as we are. Other people are always our mirrors so when you find yourself pointing a finger at someone else, explore what happens if you look for what you don’t like in them within yourself.
Hire a coach or therapist who is seasoned in this work. Working with your shadow is a process, one of becoming friends with your whole self which often means meeting up with old wounds, and for some, even more delicate and unprocessed trauma. I always recommend doing this work with a skilled and seasoned mental health professional who can help you heal as you integrate your shadow parts and the wounds that surround them. *Working one on one with clients is at the heart of my work because of the delicacy, depth and transformational power it holds. Explore working with me here.
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